![]() ![]() Then, we walked out into the concert hall to hear the praise team rehearsing the two songs I would paint during, while on stage, the next day. The church director and I walked through Kleinhans, as she showed me where I could store my things. This helped me find peace and even gratitude for our time together. Feelings of regret, discouragement and angst filled me about him, but, years later, I would realize that he was a part of my heart opening to God again. It had already been at least a month or more since the Christan man I’d spent time with and I had stopped seeing each other. It was the day before Easter Sunday and I’d brought all the painting supplies to Kleinhans Music Hall to set up for the next day. And, right in the middle of it, I was led back to God. I was going through another growth spurt that would stretch my limits and prove to feel uncomfortable, discouraging and frustrating. The end of 2013 and the first half of 2014 were challenging. Working on this painting on stage and everything that led up to that experience changed my life. So, when the other painter wasn’t available, she called me instead. Just a few weeks before, I’d told one of the Young Audiences staff that I’d graduated with a degree in fine art painting. The main fine arts painter for Young Audiences was out of town for the holiday and a local church, True Bethel Baptist, was looking for a painter to paint on stage during their huge Easter service at Kleinhans music hall. But, through all of these practices and everything I learned, something still felt like it was missing. Although I came to realize years later that my parents did actually teach and show me how to be spiritual and have faith in God, “spirituality,” which I took as a deeper connection to what was actually running this show of Life, resonated way more than going to church every Sunday and worshiping Jesus.įor 21 years, or so, I opened up more to spirituality and different spiritual beliefs, learning how to meditate, learning about being with myself, adopting certain Buddhist and Taoist philosophies and chanting Kirtan. ![]() However, one thing that interested me was that no one in particular taught me how to do this, per se, it just came naturally after some experimentation with marijuana and LSD. There are many hypotheses I have about why this happened at that particular age. It was a torturous way to live.Īfter a wild and traumatic time in my early teens, I started to open up spiritually around age 16. I prayed constantly asking God to forgive me for the “bad” thoughts I was thinking and to protect myself and those I loved for fear something “bad” might happen to one of us. So, I turned away from the church for many years, though I still felt guilty all the time about everything. In addition, even at a young age I could see a huge gap between what Jesus and God taught and how humans acted in real life. The teachings and behaviors passed on to me actually scared me and made me feel bad about who I was. Even though I know now that my parents meant well, the religious and spiritual language, lessons and doctrine I was taught did not resonate with me. You see, I was raised as a Catholic, with parents who were very devout. Most of the people I’d spent romantic time with were either “spiritual,” didn’t know what they believed in or didn’t believe in anything at all.Īlthough our encounters were short lived, the fact that he was openly religious, reading the bible and wearing a cross, gave me the courage to begin opening my heart to Jesus/God again. In 2014, I spent a little bit of time with a man who believed in Jesus. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. ![]()
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